Jokes About Men

How are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.